Calumny deferred

'a'diction

2007-01-14T07:10:00.000-08:00

I: I never thought falling in love is so easy.

(She nodded, as she siphoned the last drops of her drink)

I: I can’t hold back my obvious regret any more. I am sad that it should come to an end so soon.

(She wiped any trace that she binged into the pleasures of a creamy milkshake as I said)

I: Doing what you have asked me to will only break my heart.

Her :( with a surprised look) It has been a year since I first visited this place with you. What eludes me is, how the hell, do they make this stuff taste better with each passing day?

(And she continued)

Her: Here is an interesting observation something’s get better or more exciting with time like this milkshake, while somehow, some just start to get boring with time.Anyway we should stop coming here. You dad never validated us visiting this place.

I: Won’t things change even if I say “I love you”

Her: Just consider your so called ‘love’ to be a thing of the past manu.

I: I can’t believe you are doing this to me and don’t call me manu.

Her: excuse me I need to get my ‘chocolate avalanche’

I: Fucking self-service! (I said to myself)

[The picture of me losing my only true love was never more vivid as I waited for her. I always believed good things are a prognostication for impending sorrow but even this preparation could not stop my tears]

[How can I forget those long drives? Those moments of pure solitude and thus pure bliss will this all come to an end. Will I ever get someone like her?]

Her: I really don’t think I can ever stop treating myself with some chocolate. So what are your plans for future? You have a bad CGPA (cumulative grade point average). So what are you planning to do?

I: Ohh now I get it .This was just because a hobo did not give me an ‘A’ or an ‘EX’ in couple of crazy subjects.

Her: You did much worse than just missing an 'A' or an 'EX' and you very well know the reason behind this manu. There is no need to quibble I have decided and it is final. You had your ultimatums but you chose to be impervious to my warnings.

I: Ohh come on u make it sound as if I did some hideous crime.

Her: Your sister has been complaining a lot about you.

I: Yeah yeah I know, you both are the best friends and she shares everything with you. For once give a deaf ear to her complaints and please re consider your decision

Her: Well u broke a promise not once, not twice but thrice.

I: Don't make me feel guilty; you are talking as if our whole relationship was predicated on that promise.

Her: How are you planning to improve your grades ‘manu’, that should be the first thing on your mind

I: So will this be the end, this is cruel on your part i can't believe that this is happening and everything will just dissolve away like a pleasant dream

(She did not bother answering me as she was hogging on some more ice cream.When i waited few seconds for her reply)

Her : I love you manu but I have to make my decisions and your constant sorries are only making it harder for me.Anyway i am getting late.

[She had her reasons to leave one was a grown up daughter and another was a husband]

I: I am much better than most guys of my age. I hope you realize that when u are making this decision

Her: I trusted you because i believed you were the best. I never compared you with the mediocre rest but you have acted in a manner to disappoint me.

I: Is their anything i can do so that you can take back your decision.I will get a high gpa next time as that is the only thing you squabble with me about

Her: No manu it is decided and i hope u get a good gpa next time ( she stood up )

[I best knew when she is angry and i decided never to propose such philistine-like bargains again]

[She placed her palm in front on me as i placed what she wanted hesitantly and i broke down to tears and she did not bother to coax me as she walked from the cafe.I then stood up only to follow her with a sorry disappointed look]

[ .110 cc, two strokes, gear less, a modern machining marvel it was, my only love ‘kinetic Honda’. It was a 3 month rendezvous, which shall forever be forged in my mind; I can still vividly remember those days of revelry, when I broke the promise by crossing the 50 kmph mark. IT was a high that had to be lived/tried more than once and here I was all alone repenting my own mistake which I committed thrice and I watched my mother drive .I was the pillion rider this time]

Every science is fun when studied

Anyway i have been busy lately hence the delay in blog and i find it very hard to come up with ideas to blog . please help me by sending me your ideas as i am short of them

Yours sincerely
Manoj Payardha

Well ,It is a pleasure to have you here Mr.Payardha

2006-11-29T21:53:00.000-08:00

“Insolent slob, am I?” ‘I do mull a lot which probably shall beget me my bane’ is what I thought when the lady in front of me asked me to take my chair. Imade myself comfortable probably only to be cannonaded in what shall be a rough interview

Interviewer: So, Mr.Payardha. Why did you prefer our website blogspot.com than any other blog sites to pursue your career in blogging. They all proffer the same facilities, some even better as our research showed

I : Ma'am, I am sorry if I sound impertinent but I really can’t overlook this. The question should have been ‘Why did you prefer blogspot.com ‘to’ and not ‘than’, as you have phrased’.

(A stupefied look wore on her face which resulted in these utterances)

Interviewer: OHO! What are you a smart grammarian, who suffers with misoneism and can’t comprehend the changes in English language or probably just gloats at his seemingly superior linguistic skills? ( A pause) Brags like you, crowing on obsolete grammar rules just make my day even a bigger farce than it should be (She said that in a mocking manner coupled with a cynical smile only hoping that this would embarrass me)

I : First things first, I am not ‘just smart’ but I am ‘fucking smart’. I appreciate the way you argued by calling me a pompous grammarian just to cover your incompetence. If you really wish to know I would prefer being called a megalomaniac. Which to your surprise was no euphemism to my insolent habits but is a blatant truth and I see no point in denying (The lady just looked down wearing a bored look on her face)

Interviewer: Okay Einstein, lets get back to the ‘interview’. What makes you believe your blogs would interest anyone. As of now I find you least bit interesting and I see no reason why anybody would even bother to go through what you shall indite.

I : Lady! I..

Interviewer: Let me finish!! For your own good you have no reason to contemplate a lot over what you are. You simply are an insolent slob (I wondered if she could read my mind. Seeing my surprised look she changed the topic as she continued saying). What are you planning to write? Any events, experiences that you think would interest anyone. Generally the more personal you get the better they are. (A moment’s silence)

Interviewer: Hey you moron it is your turn to speak. Do I now have to shove this pencil up your butt hole to get you talking? Trust me I am more than willing do it

I : I believe that I am a good writer.

(A laugh broke my sentence as I looked at that impudent whore, hoping for an apology)

Interviewer: hahaha, so you are just one among the zillion bloggers on blogsphere who live in a delusion that they are interesting for no good reason. Maybe it feeds your ego to think of you are interesting does it not? and It would be inane of me to cull out yet another otiose blogger

I : It was very rude of you to say that. I hope you are a lady and shall apologize for this rudeness

Interviewer: hehehe that shall never happen even if you make me cum twice a day for the next 10 yrs of your life.

I : I don’t wish to bargain over what I have to do and for how many days let’s just leave this by saying that you have proved yourself as an ignoramus. Please ask some pertinent or important questions i.e. if you have any, as your assertiveness only bores me.

(She paused yet again maybe realizing that she ought to be more professional. She then looked into my 3 page Curriculum vitae)

Interviewer: OHO! So you are going to graduate in comp science from IIT Kharagpur no wonder you are such an annoying, proud, talent less shmuck living in a delirium romancing with his over bloated ego prodded by the IIT tag. Probably you are also single :)

I : I could be annoying, proud, delirious and also a shmuck at least I am maven enough to gauge your level of intellect (She thought of saying something but then held back as I continued) About my relationship status well I am single because I believe necrophilia is the cause to nirvana and to my dismay girls prefer living with me than dying for me and I would rather sleep with a skeleton all my life than with a girl.

Interviewer: I am appalled at what Gen X kids can do or say just to sound different and probably get few stares maybe even look ‘cool’. It is so naïve of you to try being something different and not trying to be your best. Anyway list your interests

I : I am sorry to embarrass you once again but I am too much of a shmuck to let go of this opportunity. Gen X refers to the people born in the 60’s and 70’s and it is not an acronym for a male born in 1986 :) (She looked at me without any emotion as I waited for some reply to my rudeness. When I got none Ihad no option but to go back to the original question) I love to read, write, mull and probably curse the whole world, I have also started cooking :)

Interviewer: Wow!! So you hate all mankind without showing any prejudice. so their is something good about you(She paused probably hoping to see a grin, admiring her humor when she got none she changed the topic) cooking haan why don’t you expound that

I : Well I once wrapped a chewing gum around a chicken to create the world’s longest running chicken piece.

(She chuckled, for a change it was out of admiration at this innocuous and farcical move)

Interviewer: OHO so you really are a fucking smart ass haan. What the hell is that!! a gambit that you use regularly.

(Wearing a disinterested look over her usage of the word ‘haan’ and reference to my sentence as a gambit I said)

I : About my other interests. I love to read and practice astrology (which does not imply my belief in it) I read lot about business opportunities in upcoming markets about investments how to invest and most stuff related to that. I also….

Interviewer: I am bloody sure you don’t know half of what you have just bragged about. You don’t impress me with your finance & business interests more than my 72 yr old dad who regularly pees on his bed. I listen to such cacophony of dreams and interests in order to feign an intellectual image from dawn to dusk. Trust me pseudo intellects like you who love to talk big are dime a dozen and the so called IIT tag of yours just makes you employable and you’re not worth a penny more than that. You know something I would have recognized a pompous talking brag like you even when I graduated from high school which by the way was 25 yrs back. Now at 43 you don’t even stand a chance You should try this talk with a girl from chambal valley :)

I : Well I am sure none of those retards you listen to have an IQ of 142

Interviewer: what’s the square of 1021

I : 10, 42,441

Interviewer: Probably you are right but who the fuck cares. I do have a 10 year old kid at home probably. He shall be amazed your math tricks :). I am sure you can now gauge what your IQ is worth.

(There was a moments silence as I considered getting up and walking away from this impudent whore after calling her a ‘lewd bitch’)

Interviewer: I never considered ‘lewd bitch’ as an epithet if calling me that makes you feel better, you should go ahead with that. Let me be honest you have already screwed up your interview (I was yet again shocked was this bitch really reading my mind .Then there was a moment’s pause as she started again). The anger on your face does reflect how badly you got impugned.

(This bitch must have been a sick bully back in college)

I : You just made me repudiate my belief that experience and age begets wisdom. Impugning is what a person does when he tries to covert his obvious embarrassment. (I paused for her reply when I got none) You on the other hand do not impress me more than a college debating team head who believes yelling loudly makes one's arguments smarter and using the word ‘fuck’ as infix makes one look even more brilliant. I am sure you even find karan thapar and rajdeep sardesai to be abso-fucking-lutely brilliant

Interviewer: Well we finally do agree at something I do find those two as bigger shmucks than you.hmm I do have a long list of people to go through for this selection.

(She then pushed her chair back as she got up, she then offered me her hand with a demure smile. As I shook her hand )

Interviewer: Well Mr.Payardha, It was a pleasure talking to you. I am more than happy to welcome you to the community of blogspot.com. I wish you the very best for your career in blogging and I can’t feign my disinterest in you anymore, you truly are an enjoyable company and I hope your blogs are equally good.

(I was appalled at this sudden turn around and it was almost a task to utter few words)

I : Ma'am the pleasure was mine and thank you for considering me competent for this site. I shall try doing the best within my abilities .Thank you once again

(She just smiled back as I left saying to myself)

Man, I think I can make her cum twice a day hehe

Interviewer: I really doubt that kiddo (that bitch does read minds)